Staying is over-rated. Why must one stay, when there is so much more to do in someplace else? It took an uncomfortable jolt for me to understand how much I really valued change. Being in one place where I had become most comfortable, I had stopped thinking beyond it. I was perhaps denying myself and would perhaps have denied myself of so many opportunities that would have eventually popped up; had it not been for that one reality check.
I've been a fan since; choosing only to know what is really going on rather than being lost in my own blissful ignorance.
And so I try to change, myself and the things around me; every time I feel I have stayed enough to become comfortable in one situation.
I have my own commitments, and my own interests, which sometimes come in the way; and I've only been able to do it in a controlled manner up until now; but soon as I'm free of that, as much as I can, ever in life, I just wish to be able to give myself a rigourous shake and get out of myself!
Outwards. Outwards is the way to go. Neither forward, and never backwards. But always in the present moment, one of your own choosing- loving, living and taking in whatever's thrown at you.
Because there are many moments when you get to be on your own. Enough. In fact, too many.
And it would be a waste to be inside yourself and stuck only in what is you and what you know and what you do and what you are and what you think; and not consider the rest of the world that is springing and bubbling all around just waiting to be noticed.
It becomes so easy to get caught up in being one even with yourself at times. And in a struggle to like yourself and be at peace with who you are, to know where to stop and take a re-look is hard. Reviewing one's own self can be a reflection of what one craves in the rest of the world. And in the choices we make in the world, we reflect our own character.
A balancing act in itself can sometimes be a dilemma when you don't know whether you're being arrogant or just self-confident and loving oneself; whether you're being un-emotional and cold-hearted or just detached and independent as a means to happiness, or whether you've just given up on the world and have become indifferent as a result of hurt or neglect.
I have sometimes come across people who claim to, and seem to be pretty agile at, putting out such a balanced approach. Every word, measured. Every gesture, planned. Not a scrap more; not a scrap less. And they seem to be completely in control; of themselves, and others.
And I wonder; as there is always something beyond the obvious, something more than meets the eye; what their secret lives must be like. What do they think when they're alone?
Do the lies haunt them?
Does the distance worry them?
Basically, do they remain as peaceful in their solitude or does something, anything at all, tear them up inside?
I get pretty torn up myself.
